4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
