did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize