a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
