It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize