i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i drank out of a bidet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
