a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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