i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think my moral compass just broke
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
