White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
