and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
40s are totally the cure
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
