i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
