I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
