I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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