did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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