She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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