The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize