i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
