Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it's like iHOP with fire
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
