Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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