god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
