I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
