I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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