I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
