well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
