Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
