Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
