am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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