I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do vagina's smell?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
