All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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