Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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