I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
