i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She announced her abortion via fbk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
