i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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