So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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