I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
