She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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