If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
