i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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