So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
