you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
