we're blogging at a bar
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
