When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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