i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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