I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
