the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
