I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
