I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
