I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
