Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
