why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
