The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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