Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
