Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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