You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
