Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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