is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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