And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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