there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
