I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
