I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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