hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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