Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
