Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
