Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
