i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
