Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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