Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
