even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Shame - the story of my life.
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