Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
