please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
