Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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