i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
