I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize