I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
