why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
