My nipple is on Facebook.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize