I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
