Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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