I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize