i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize