oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
