I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
