Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
