Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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